8 Wedding Rules That Can Be Broken
07 Nov 2011 Leave a Comment
in Etiquette
Found this article online, thought you would find it interesting
Learn which traditions have been changed or forgotten in modern ceremonies
By Alexandra Gekas Posted April 20, 2011 from WomansDay.com
Spring is upon us, which means that wedding
season is in full swing. But while wedding celebrations are often steeped in tradition, not everything is as it once was. Couples are personalizing their nuptials more and more, and as budgets become stricter, a lot of the old etiquette is being pushed aside. From who pays for the reception to how long afterward you can send a gift, find out which wedding rules are being bent, and which ones can be broken.
1. The bride’s family doesn’t always pay.
Tradition has always dictated that the bride’s family pays for the wedding and the groom’s family pays for the honeymoon. But because of the recent recession, that’s not necessarily the case anymore. “Oftentimes the actual funding for the wedding, the expenses, are taken care of by a slew of people as opposed to only the bride’s family,” says Lizzie Post, spokeswoman for the Emily Post Institute and great-great-granddaughter of etiquette expert Emily Post. “You want to honor the tradition by allowing the bride’s family to take the reins if they want to, but [the groom’s family should] honor the new custom by offering.” Photo: Creatas / Thinkstock
2. Your wedding party can include all ages and genders.
A male maid of honor, a female best man, grandma as the flower girl—your wedding party is just that, yours; there should be no restrictions. “Platonic friendships nowadays are crossing the gender barrier, so it’s not a problem at all if the bride would like a gentleman standing up at her side; she’s more than welcome to,” Post says. “And even the couple’s family [can be included]. There are people who ask their mother to be the matron of honor or ask their grandmother to participate. So it’s nice to see that’s opened up a lot and people are embracing it.” Photo: Rob Melnychuk / Getty Images
3. Guests no longer have a full year to buy a gift.
Unfortunately this one might mean a few of us are in trouble! Unlike in years past, you no longer have up to a full year from the wedding to buy the bride and groom a gift. The appropriate time line is now “three months, so it definitely is something you want to try to get done as soon as possible,” Post says. “Your friends would be thrilled if a year later you sent them a gift; it’s never too late. But three months gives you enough time, especially now with the ability to just click on an online registry.” Photo: Shutterstock
4. You can decline to be in the wedding party.
You’ve been in five weddings this year, and with the cost of the dresses, travel and gifts, you’re broke. So if another dear friend asks you to join their wedding party, it’s more than OK to politely decline. Just explain why in a heartfelt way. “Many modern brides really understand with the travel and distance [usually involved], but it’s all in how you do it,” Post says. “Say, ‘I love you so much and I want to be there to support you, but right now being a bridesmaid is not something I can commit to. Is there another way I can help you on your big day? I know it’s so important to show you how much I love you.’ Make the bride know you do want to commit to it, but you can’t.” Photo: Cultura/Zero Creatives / Getty Images
5. It’s acceptable to ask for gift cards or cash.
Nowadays, with family and friends living across the country and at various stages in their lives, it’s definitely acceptable for a bride and groom to ask for gift cards or cash. “It’s a great way to make it convenient for the guests and easy on them. I don’t think it’s tacky,” Post says. Whereas you can ask for gift cards on your registry, as far as cash, just be polite about it. “You usually want to spread it by word of mouth. You definitely don’t want to put ‘cash only’ on your website and you never put it on your invitation,” Post adds. Photo: Shutterstock
6. The groom can see the bride in her wedding dress before the ceremony.
Superstition has it that it’s bad luck for the groom to see the bride dressed in white before she walks down the aisle. But a lot of couples are kicking this to the curb for some alone time and a better photo op beforehand. “If the bride and groom are very traditional, they won’t see each other before the ceremony. But photographers will encourage it because the bride’s makeup is fresh and her hair is done so they can get a lot more photos done before the ceremony,” says Elizabeth Todd, wedding coordinator at Blackstone Country Club in Peoria, Arizona. “Afterward, they can take a few family shots and enjoy the cocktail hour.” Photo: Shutterstock
7. Men can take or leave the wedding ring.
Depending on where you grew up, there was probably a pretty clear norm regarding whether or not husbands wore a wedding ring. But nowadays it’s really up to the groom—as long as his bride is fine with his decision. “I think it’s totally a personal choice. I know some people choose to tattoo the ring on their finger,” Post says. “It’s a new option.” Photo: Shutterstock
8. You don’t have to do a wedding cake for dessert.
Maybe Cupcake Wars is responsible for this one—more and more often, modern couples are eschewing the traditional multi-tiered wedding cake and opting for cupcakes, or sometimes a dessert bar. “It’s fun for the bride and groom to switch things up for dessert because not everyone likes wedding cake. It’s also more fun for little kids; it’s easy to eat, less messy,” Todd says. “[The bride and groom will] just do a smaller cake to cut for pictures and then after that’s over, guests know they can go ahead and dig into the dessert bar.” Photo: Shutterstock
Escort Cards – 5 Things To Know
03 Jul 2010 Leave a Comment
in Etiquette
1. An escort card is often confused with a place card. Whats the difference? An escort card indicates guest table assignments while place cards are found on tables and tell guests where to sit.
2. Arrange the cards in alphabetical order of your guests last names.
3. Position them near the entrance of the cocktail hour venue (but not at the door) or in the center of the space, so guests can approach from all sides. Not doing a cocktail hour? The table can be placed near the reception entrance but not at the door.
4. For a couple, one escort card will do.
5. For formal weddings use titles (Dr., Mr and Mrs) for casual weddings first and last names only are ok
The Skinny on The Rehearsal Dinner
17 Mar 2010 Leave a Comment
in Etiquette
Some rehearsal dinners are so lavish and the guest list is so large that it rivals the wedding itself, other are casual and family focused and are budget friendly, whatever route you go if you are having a rehearsal dinner the following information can assist you to make some serious decisions:
Who Pays? Traditionally the grooms parents, but given the economy today, other family members sich as grandmothers and aunts help foot the bill.
Who Should Attend? Anyone at the wedding rehearsal plus significant others. Some couples especially destination brides invite out of town guests also.
When Should They Be Invited? At least 2 weeks ahead of the date and please do request rsvp’s
Where? Anywhere from a private home to a restaurant. Just be sure its close to the rehearsal site.
Decor? Thats really up to you. But you can have some simple arrangements added to tables or you can be as lavish as you want.
Time? Arrange to wrap up early instead of partying all night. A hung over bridal party does not look good in wedding photos. For example the last wedding we did a bridesmaid got badly burned in her chest from drinking some volcano shot drink at a rehearsal dinner. The photographer spent huge amounts of time trying to edit the bandage from the burn from the pictures.
More On Etiquette
08 Mar 2010 Leave a Comment
in Etiquette
Greet each guest personally – Of course you talk to every guest when you throw a dinner party. But at your wedding, which maybe the biggest event you will ever host do you really need to. definitely. People who have taken the time to share this day with you must be personally acknowledged.
Thank You Notes
07 Mar 2010 Leave a Comment
in Etiquette
At Helen G Events we suggests that when you receive your showers gifts and wedding day gifts please do send thank you notes promptly. Guest may have one year to give you a gift, but you should never take more than 3 weeks to acknowledge one. In each note be sure to mention the gift specifically, as well as how you may use it. It doesn’t have to be long, 3 sentences can do the trick.
Mind Your Manners
06 Mar 2010 Leave a Comment
in Etiquette
For wedding etiquette does matter. At Helen we believe being gracious hosts guarantee very happy guests. Here are some ways you can be gracious hosts:
1. Pick your wedding date carefully
2. Don’t make guests wait
3. Think your menu through
4. Cover all the weather bases
5. Keep your guests budgets in mind when you register for gifts
6. Be thoughtful about seating single guests – this can be tricky, do you seat them all together or sprinkle them across the room. If you don’t have enough single guests to fill one table, make sure you seat them at a table where they will know other people. Another option is to ask them at which table they would like to sit, this way they will be comfortable. If budget is not an issue you can also allow them to take a guests.
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